Multiple Sclerosis Brain Melt

To make it perfectly clear if I upload a video about my Multiple Sclerosis it's NEVER for sympathy!
They are uploaded to either gain awareness give support to others or for my own study of the disease.
As the proud owner of said disease I am interested in how it effects my body and mind over time.  I can actually learn a lot about it just by watching myself back, and in return see where I am losing ground.
Recently somebody commented they liked the way I speeded my videos up!
The reason behind that is because I talk very very slowly, so you either get a video of me talking a normal speed which would make a standard video say six minutes long or I speed it up and you get four minutes and something that sounds normal and a little bit comical to the ear.
You have to work the illness in your favor - make the most of it - use it as it uses you...!
Unless you have the illness you can't know what its like on a mental or physical level.

Hopefully in some small way this will show you one side of the many faces of MS.

LOKI

YouTube Video Link

FAKE BEANS ON TOAST - added Robin Williams sauce

Uhm... I held back for a while before writing anything about the sad passing of Robin Williams.
I understand the outpouring of heartfelt tributes over Robin's death, but personally I thought it might be better to wait and actually find out if there was a little more to it all.
And sure enough, a few days after his death, we found out that Robin was in the early stages of
Parkinson's Disease.
Naturally, and as we all know, Robin was indeed a very funny man and like most great comedians, here was truly the humbling sad clown, suffering from a range of disorders from drug addiction to alcoholism & depression.
I dare say that these years of highs and lows, the good times and the bad, more than likely paid
some contribution to Robin's diagnosis of early Parkinson's Disease.
It's difficult to say what triggered Robin's final decision that day to take his own life. Was it the depression, or the simple fact that the world in which we live has simply gone to the dogs and what's the point anymore!
All I do know is that Robin wasn't alone in his struggle.
Millions upon millions of men, women, and children suffer from depression all over this tiny little
planet.  And the mere fact that even if you have it all, that really doesn't matter.
Depression doesn't take that into account.
I wrote this very short piece many years ago while suffering my ongoing battle with depression,
drugs, and drink:

"Illness is nothing more than an infected misprint
A twisted tainted pattern
That knows not time nor person."

Tony Hancock
Peter Sellers
Spike Milligan
Ruby Wax
Stephen Fry
Lenny Bruce
Richard Pryor

The fact of the matter is that Robin isn't the first well known celebrity to take their
own life over or through depression, and he won't be the last.
The story will generate and snowball communication about the illness, but sadly another news story will take its place in a few days' or weeks' time, ie, boyband found smoking drugs or US sends in the troops, etc... which in itself is very, very depressing.

Please keep talking and keep being honest, not only to yourself but to your friends and loved ones. Depression is a lonely empty road... so lonely that not even tumbleweeds dare roll by.

Robin Williams RIP. You were never alone :(

The art of good conversation with Stella

Today I will mainly be talking with my good friend Stella!
The art of good conversation...is very much alive...

MS = Multiple sclerosis NOT Marks & Spencer

MS = Multiple sclerosis NOT Marks & Spencer  Click Here for YouTube LINK
Proactive MS Sufferer - but yet still invisible...

Click here for YouTube link

Final daRk aRts videos of the "Kraken" project.
All three videos were based upon my illness "multiple sclerosis"
What i've tried to depict within these videos & music, is my own
personal journey with the disease which is slow eating me from
the inside out.
First video shows my old life, the years of dedication
to combatant sports.  And the unknowning of the lurking "Kraken"
Summon the Kraken
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3KdoBYtRT8

The second video is the disease itself.
The outbreak of "MS" the Kraken.
The twisted and distorted view of the almost Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
illness that can rip a persons world apart.
Fear panic and confusion followed with a small side order of madness.
Release the Kraken
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuEXMte4Oy0

The thrid and final video shows the taming of the beast, perhaps
even a gentle sadness.
Your note a 0:17 of this video I left in my "facial tic"
Tic definition, a sudden, spasmodic, painless, involuntary muscular
contraction, twitching of a facial muscle.
Something I wouldn't normal leave in one of my videos, as may know
I rarely show my illness on camrea.
I would normally cut & edit any shaking or tics out of my footage, but
these videos were made for a set purposes.
And if you are wondering why I used the words
"Back" "Sack" and "Kraken"
It wasn't for a cheap laugh...
If I want you to truly feel the pain of the multiple sclerosis then take
a wax strip to your genitals and rip it off...
Art is and always has been "Open to interpretation"

So in conclusion in the six years of living with multiple sclerosis.
I didn't just roll over and die.
I pushed the limits of my mind and became:
Poet - Writer - Music composer - Sound engineer - Film marker
Producer - Comedian - Drag artist - Fx makeup artist - Vlogger
Avant-garde video artist....

lOki
MS didn't turn my world upside down.... I did...!